Tag Archives: Anthony Scaramucci

Take The Fox News-heads Bolling

Fox News: as Harry Shearer puts it, “Nice people doing nice things.”

Now it’s Eric Bolling, who since Bill O’Reilly’s departure has become the channel’s most favored blowhard, has discovered that you just can’t reach out and grab ’em by the pussy—or make send them pictures of what NPR, the nation’s maiden aunt who whispers whenever she’s talking about sex (and also a national treasure that must be funded), primly describes as “unsolicited photo of male genitalia” (or, as I imagine he calls it, his “Bolling pin”).

That makes three of Il Douché’s high-profile Fox News defenders who have been forced away from the station over sexual harassment. Roger Ailes and O’Reilly preceded him out the door before him; a fourth—Bill Shine—has been touted as a replacement for Anthony Scaramucci). That qualifies as a trend, doesn’t it? And tells us something of the mindset of Tr**p supporters. Jesse Watters, an overgrown frat boy who looks like the kind of guy who doesn’t believe date rape exists, had better start erasing his browser history. Or ask Tr**p about that computer “acid washing” he goes on about.

What about Sean Hannity: Presidential Proctologist? I don’t think he’s capable of sexual feeling. He probably masturbates to videos of Tr**p rallies. Instead, he forces his employees sit through that movie he produced and is flogging on his show, a turgid God-fearing melodrama called “Let There Be Light.” Going by the trailer, the movie—the tale of the “Muhammad Ali of outspoken atheist celebrities” (how awful is he? his book is titled “Aborting God”)  whose non-faith is tested by a family tragedy—combines of the subtly of Ayn Rand, the clunky plotting of the “Left Behind” movies, and acting inspired by “Davey and Goliath.”


Obscene Paragraphs—Yes, the New Yorker Edition

The Mooch mooched his way into the a White House dinner last night. Most people wouldn’t think that’s something to hide, but in the Il Douché Administration, that’s not always the case. When the New Yorker’s Ryan Lizza reported on the seemingly innocuous meal (also getting only one scoop of ice cream while Il Douché enjoys two were the First Lady, Sean Hannity: Presidential Proctologist!, and former Fox executive Bill Shine) that, in a normal administration, would have been announced to public as part of the President’s calendar. But the Mooch saw something darker; he saw it as the work of that emptiest of empty suits, Reince Priebus. He even imagines Priebus’ scheming: “‘Let me leak the fucking thing and see if I can cock-block these people the way I cock-blocked Scaramucci for six months’.”

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“I’m sorry Ma’am , but you’re not on my list. ” Anthony Scaramucci, trying to look tough working the VIP entrance at Mar-A-Lago (photo credit: Jabin Botsford / The Washington Post / Getty)

Yes, America, it took only six months before Tr**p—who has been teasing the firing of Jeff Sessions like a season ending cliffhanger—turned the Federal Government into  The White Housewives of America.

Of course, the Mooch had to get to the bottom of the seemingly bottomless well of Douché palace intrigue. Who leaked his dinner plans?, he demanded, like Captain Queeg ranting about strawberries.

What’s truly stunning is when he tries to appeal to Lizza’s better angels:

You’re an American citizen, this is a major catastrophe for the American country. So I’m asking you as an American patriot to give me a sense of who leaked it.”

Yes, this leak (and leak is really too strong a word for it. Idle gossip is probably closer to the truth) is a major catastrophe. Thank God that we don’t know how he ordered his steak.

 


Obscene Paragraphs: Minimize the Moocher Edition

Anthony “The Mooch” Scaramucci, Il Douché’s newest hire, and understudy for the part of  Tight-Lips” Louie in the inevitable live action Simpsons musical, made his debutante’s run of the Sunday morning chat shows this morning. It did not go well.

 

 

His appearances did little to assuage the sense that the reason he got the job was his willingness to repeatedly declare his undying loyalty to his Don (twenty times, according to the NYTimes).  Sure, he outed his boss as an anonymous source, first telling Jake Tapper “Somebody said to me yesterday—I won’t tell you who—that if the Russians actually hacked this situation and spilled out those emails, you would have never seen it, you would have never had any evidence of them.” When pressed by Tapper, he reacted like a cornered bully in a playground fight: “How about it was the president, Jake?” Not exactly a compelling comeback.

But, at heart, he’s just another one of Tr**p’s hedge fund buddies who thinks he knows how to “fix” government without knowing how it actually works. And while having a friendly coffee with the folks over on “Fox News Sunday,” After less then two days on the job, he already knows what the problem. It just happens to be his Don’s biggest concern: leaks. All those illegal leaks on “Fake News.” (Left unasked: if those leaks are illegal, then the information—and the reporting of it—can’t be fake. If someone tells you a fake story, they’re not a leaker—they’re a liar.)

And The Mooch knows just how to stop those “unprofessional” leaks. His solution:

Scaramucci on Sunday said he would “pare down the staff” to stop White House leaks, but made clear… that he wants to start anew. “As far as I’m concerned, there will be a new start for everybody on the team,” said Scaramucci, whose appointment as communications director forced the resignation of Sean Spicer, who had held that post.

 OK, the less people who have access to information, the less chance of it leaking (and it’s easier to find the leak). Only one problem: The Douché Administration is running with a historically small staff. Some of the agencies have only a single Tr**p appointee. And it’s not obstruction, at least not on the Democrat’s part. According to the Washington Post.

President Trump has a major staffing problem. He has been president for five months, and yet his agencies are severely understaffed at the highest levels. And, no, it’s not all Senate Democrats’ fault…Trump is way behind other Presidents in nominating people for the Senate to vote on.

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